#HereAndNow: Journals

These journals, papers, and drawings are a record of my feelings growing up and daily anecdotes since year one of secondary school, as well as some records of my treatment in the hospital and some letters.

I remember when I moved into my new home, I regarded these objects as the most important things at home and stored them well in the best location. Words are a medium to detach from immediate emotions and reflect on my thoughts. These handwritten words are warm with the experiences and stories they carry.

I often take a notebook or a journal with me when I go out. To me, one effective spiritual first-aid method is to focus on my inner feelings and take care of myself in that moment. Especially when I travel and encounter a low moment, I would pause at a coffee shop and write. It helps me regain my own pace. After a busy and fulfilling day, I also record the things that happened to celebrate each of my little achievements.

The power of words, journals and letters lies in how, besides the meaning at the moment of writing, they provide a sense of healing from the nostalgia as I reread them.

Looking back at the drawings I made and letters I wrote in the hospital, I realised I wrote about many things. I wrote about confiding my inner thoughts in my trusted teacher, I wrote about asking my doctor for a reduction of medications, and many interesting events while I was staying in the hospital. I found that the hope of recovery comes from people who love me, and the will to recover comes from persisting in my goals and the courage to face each and everything that happened in my past. I am not denying the vulnerability I had.

Reading through pages of words, I see how I have tried my best to live till now, and it makes me feel grateful.