#HereAndNow: Last Day in the Research Student Office

You will never walk alone! (PS. Not a Liverpool fan)

I have lived on a university campus for 6 years. During these 6 years, I witnessed my transformation from encountering mental health issues alone to being willing to seek help. And now I am able to become others’ companions on our recovery journey.

During my 4-year undergraduate life, even though I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by friendly and helpful classmates, friends, and teachers, I still felt lonely and helpless all the time. In exchange for greater probabilities to fulfil a bunch of self-expectations (including getting scholarships and getting a PhD to be a professor), I chose to disguise and struggle with inconveniences brought by my mental health problems alone, and thus maintain my image as ‘a talented straight-A and student’. Needless to say, I have never been courageous enough to seek professional help. Though I succeeded in achieving most of these goals in a seemingly “composed” and “effortless” manner, my inner state was always jumbled while my emotions were always as fluctuating as the stormy sea. Perhaps, the loneliness and helplessness were due to the fact that I have to errand in the wilderness alone.

Unexpectedly, my two-year postgraduate studies coincided with the pandemic, social unrest and other personal problems. I eventually resorted to seeking professional help from counsellors, social workers, clinical psychologists and doctors, despite feeling uneasy doing so. As my research and teaching progress was also obstructed as my situation deteriorated, I worrisomely confessed to my thesis supervisor about my situation. Thanks to the support from friends, teachers and classmates, I managed to juggle my follow-up treatments, research and teaching. Eventually, I could accomplish my thesis defence and graduate with an outstanding thesis without deferral.

Another 2 years after my MPhil graduation, I have changed my job a few times without a PhD, when my former students in my tutorial class have gradually progressed in their careers or further studies. Up till now, we still keep in touch and speak from time to time. Owing to the inspiration from my students, I have been determined to be others’ light powered by my past experience.

Instead of spending six years to complete my degrees and thesis only, I would rather say, I spent 6 years learning how to accept my emotions and not to be ashamed of seeking help from others. I have even become empowered and strong enough to walk along with others who also encounter mental health issues in the rest of my recovery journey.